Fuck, I Can’t Think of a Title for Every One of These


I don’t know why exactly I feel the need to apologize, so I’m not going to. I will not apologize for being honest. I will not apologize for where I am at. I do however wish to calm any distress the last post may have created. It was, however, important to write.

The last post contained a lot of bottled up feelings and thoughts that weighed heavily on my mind for the past month or so. Posting this weight for you to see proved to be more therapeutic than expected. I don’t think I’ve wept that hard in a long time and must say I enjoyed it somewhat. This unforeseen reaction to the relief of removing this weight corroborates the validity of taking that chance. It feels unbelievably good to know that people can see and maybe understand where I actually am, who I actually am.

Playing cover-up has never really stopped. That is not to say previous posts were all lies. I stand by what I wrote last year, but I did subconsciously make sure to put somewhat of a positive spin on it. Writing only about certain problems that I had already come up with answers to. Now I’m starting to see that I’ve been missing the point of this blog. This is supposed to be a narration to a journey. A look into my triumphs but more importantly my trials. Taking on the difficult problems is necessary, finding the answers takes time, and the path is never smooth but writing out this process seems to help put things in perspective. I will no longer allow my fear of not having a suitable answer stop me from writing about the hurdles at hand. This blog started with the intention of being a window into my head. It was meant to help articulate that which I fail to in conversation. I instinctively edited what was seen through that window, effectively turning this into yet another way to hide.

The editing is over. I am going to write about some hard things in the coming months. I can’t say how inspirational these future posts may be. They could turn out to be downright depressing or disturbing but it is these hardships that seem the most difficult to shed light on. There is a set of fears I could continue to succumb to in regards to what people may think of these writings. Last year I wrote about being damaged goods and, rather hypocritically, being tired of hiding that fact. I’m going to finally back up the latter of those two statements. I don’t know how relatable this blog will be to others. The writing will continue regardless.

-Fuck the Critics, Screw the Fans

Advertisements

One thought on “Fuck, I Can’t Think of a Title for Every One of These

  1. Hi there. Just wanted to let you know that it is not weird at all to feel more comfortable working through your stuff with a complete stranger, who is btw a professional. It is very common which is why that job exists! Also, I have gone through an incredible amount of struggle and self-change in my life and only seen real success in the last year, which by no means means I am finished! It’s a lifelong process of becoming the people we are, the people we want to be. That is what being alive is all about. Sometimes, we will have successes, sometimes we will have failures, sometimes what we think is best for ourselves changes with time and age. This is what being alive is about. I’m sure you have heard that life is not about the destination so much as the road. Well, at my wise old-age of thirty (laugh) I have come to see this as being very true. I still “mess up” and have downright terrible dark days, weeks, months, but the point is that I keep on trying. I don’t give up. I wake up and sometimes I say, “not today” and that is okay. A few days, weeks, months later, I try again and eventually through all of those days, weeks, and months I find something that works, I experience something beautiful and I remember that life is good even if I can’t always see it through the darkness. No one is happy all of the time, but if you can find a way to remember just one time when you laughed, loved, or experienced awe and have the faith to know that it WILL COME AGAIN, then you will live a great life one way or another. There are all kinds of people on this earth living out there lives in all kinds of ways and not one of them is perfect, but every one of them is beautiful. I hope this helps in some way. It’s just my two cents 🙂

Leave

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s