For a very long time my opinion was I had never really started to live. That my first 19 years consisted of nothing noteworthy, no accomplishments, nothing learned. This position has changed over the last week. Something has happened.
For the first time in five months I found myself with employment tending bar. The past Thursday through Saturday nights were my first shifts. My mood improved because for the first time in a while it felt like pieces of life were coming back together. Unknown then, getting this bar tending job was just a small piece. A chance meeting was the real reason I was there.
One of my friends happens to be a regular around the bar I work at. The man has a heart of gold and knows everybody who stops by on a consistent basis. I previously worked at the bar three years ago, so there are a lot of new faces around now. On Thursday night he introduced me to one such face. This man works for a landscaping company. My friend happened to mention, off-hand, that I was looking to obtain more work.
On Saturday night, after closing up, we sat around the fire. There are very few times in my life that I have been able to be open around new individuals. This is now one of them. The conversation naturally seemed to drift to our pasts and instead of sugar-coating my trials, I told them unedited and honestly. My anxiety never started to come on while talking, like usual. I felt strangely at ease in taking this chance. It paid off. My feelings and views were reciprocated by this man. Our trains of thought seemingly similar to one another. We delved deeper into ideas, challenged each other in order to push us into more discovery and understanding.
Since our conversation I’ve come to the realization that everything I’ve been through and will go through has a purpose. For the first time I see my past gave this perspective in order to relate to people like this. My passion for my surroundings will pay off if I get this job because I will work at progressing my hometown. My experience working outside doing work that when finished should appear natural applies directly to this. The scale is much bigger this time, the potential is greater, and therefore the reward is more satisfying.
I am on the verge of possibly living a dream. This may sound crazy but I’m meant to be where I am. It is impossible for me to deny the feeling that everything has been leading and preparing me for this next step. The job is not the end but I know it will be important in my life.
The message here is that the smallest to biggest factors are leading each of us to something. You’re life may be in a rough spot as you read this. Know that the destination to your path is your choosing, it ends where you give up. Keep fighting. Keep learning, changing, and growing so that you get around the next bend in the trail. I promise that the scenery will change from dreary to beautiful.
– Fuck the Critics, Screw the Fans